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Admin 220 posts
Posted 2 years ago
Dear Overwhelmed. You describe really clearly the tsunami of emotions that sweep over you continually when you realise that your daughter has an eating disorder. The strong tides knock you off your feet and to carry on with the sea side metaphor you feel as if you are treading water, with your head going under form time to time as you wave for help. This wasn’t your plan for your girl but here you are with an unrecognisable child. Hopefully through reading the other posts on this forum you will see that although their behaviour is horrible it is a part of the illness. I have been there and to keep my temper level I used to remind myself that as horrible as she was being to me, she was being much tougher on herself. It is hard to know what to do and there is no certain way. A key thing is to start each day fresh, if thongs go wrong let them go. I found that the best time to talk to my daughter was away form meal times when we were walking somewhere or driving somewhere and the spectre of mealtime was not at the forefront of her thoughts. Be clear with her about what you expect from her, but try to listen to her fears and thoughts so that when you are planning meals together maybe she can be involved. Try to keep to meal times as her anxiety will build as the meal time approaches and she will become more anxious if it is delayed. It is held that the sooner that treatment begins the less the long term effect. But please remember that the ED is bourne of her fears and anxieties, maybe exam stress, friendships or hurtful experiences, it is in a way trying to protect her from feeling the hurt, by making everything the same - no surprises. Recovery does take time so yes please tell your family as they can play a key role in her recovery, but ask them not to say things about her size, weight appearance, as anything that they say will be interpreted as you look fat. Ive gone on a bit, but finally I would like to repeat what others have said; that there is no blame, there is no identified reason why one child goes on a diet and her friend does the same diets and then goes on to develop anorexia. My daughter is recovered now, well and happy and you must believe that yours will do the same. Finally, finally, make sure that you get support and rest as you will be her rock, so you need to look after yourself.
Member 2 posts
My user name says it all. My 15 yo daughter is anorexic, and is starving herself. We have a CAMHS assessment this week but it is heartbreaking to watch her destroying her body. My and husband and I are in bits and have 3 other children who are just watching things unravelling. Have joined this to get some support from other going the same in the hope that things will improve...
Member 1 post
Hi. Our daughter is 14, nearly 15. We are new to this, so not sure if I will be any help. She has been missing lunch at school, inducing vomiting after evening meal and self harm. All this before we knew anything. I feel ridiculously inept and a bad parent for not even noticing!! We have had an initial CAMHS choice(?) appointment and had an assessment by a Psychologist within the 7 weeks we have known about all this. But no treatment/therapy yet so I now notice her food group restriction becoming more fierce. Her mood is frequently difficult. I am getting everything wrong and the more I try to look after her, the worse it all seems to become. I am in utter disbelief and feel that our life is rapidly falling apart. I am unsure how we maintain any normality to be honest. Do we tell family members or not? She is our only child, so I think that makes us punish ourselves more because we think we are to blame. I really hope that the system helps us both and gets our daughters back on track before more serious damage occurs. Its frightening and I hope that we can gain good support from this forum because this is definitely new territory for us.
I think one of the most important things to remember is that parents are not responsible for causing an ED and I am sure you are doing the best you can. It is a hideous illness which seems to have kidnapped our daughter. The abuse /tantrums at mealtimes are horrible and feel very personal. Luckily all other adult family members are on board and they are determined to get her to eat. Have another CAMHS appt this week but really feel that we are on our own as a family and just trying to do our best - given a meal plan and told to get on with it.