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Member 1 post
Posted one month ago
This is my first ever community post so please bear with me :)
I have just recently found out that my daughter has an eating disorder which has stemmed from what I believe to be a traumatic experience that happened to her when she was younger and she only disclosed this to us in May this year (this is ongoing with the police).
We have been seeing a Counsellor with CAMHS for a few weeks (although this is only fortnightly at the moment and I have asked for weekly sessions for my daughter and I have been told they cannot do that) and my daughter has lost 2.5stone since July (she is 5ft7ins and at her last weigh in last week she weighed 8st).
We had our first session of Family Based Therapy (FBT) last Friday (the dietician was sick so did not attend) which I thought was more an introductory session and was not sent away with any plan of action. They did mention that if things didn't improved then she could well be admitted as an "inpatient" on a unit which is approximately 2.5hrs away from our home town. I queried if there was any support groups for me and my husband to try and help us to understand this and they couldn't answer me.
Last night my daughter told me that she is turning "vegetarian" and not eating any meat (she is still in denial that she is an unhealthy weight and says there is nothing wrong with her)
I am looking for ANY advice that a parent who has been or is going through this as I am not sure what I should ask and which direction to go in.
Thanks in advance
Admin 93 posts
Posted 19 days ago
Welcome to this online community, I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's illness and what you and your family have been going through.
I am the administrator for this site, but I am also the mother of a daughter who has anorexia, who is in recovery and is now doing well. It sounds as if you have done well in supporting your daughter and recognising the need for nhs support and working with camhs.
It is always difficult to give specific advice however I suppose generally I would say try to listen to what she saying, help her to feel safe but at the same time try to be clear on your expectations, but make those expectation reasonable. I made loads of mistakes with my daughter I am sure mainly because I was such a push over and she knew exactly the right buttons to press to persuade me to push the mealtime back a bit to allow her to do that bit more exercise or maybe just have a slightly smaller portion. There were good days and there were bad days but when things didn't work, I just started again the next day.
We seemed to spend ages in supermarkets, as she read the labels of everything, and then put it back it was as if she didn't want to eat but at the same time she was fascinated by food, she liked to feed everyone else but then would not join us at the dinner table. The rest of my wider family thought that I was a complete pushover as we did not attend family events because she couldn't bear the thought of the food, and I was worried for her safety if I left her at home alone.
I feel that I am rambling a bit I think that I am trying to give you a picture of what my experience was so that if anything similar happens you recognise it. How would I deal with it now? probably not very differently that is because I had to be there for her she had to know that although she was in this very scary place she knew that I was there. I cried a lot, but tried to be consistent with her and tried not to cry in front of her.
My daughter had more or less 2 years of inpatient care and that is what turned her around, it again is not easy for anyone, but her final unit was supportive and enabling, I really don't think that she would have still been here otherwise
All three of my children are now Vegan, they are very healthy, I am vegetarian, it is a change and I recognise that but it needs more planning - my children use protein powders and replacement to ensure that they have the necessary nourishment - so maybe let her be vegetarian, plan menus with her, encourage her to recognise the nourishment that she needs.
I hope that there is something in here that is useful to you,
I wish you the very best