Any advice would be great


kezza1401

kezza1401

Member
6 posts

Posted 3 months ago

Since my last post my Daughter has returned to school full time although CAMHS are still insisting that she is collected at dinnertime to eat her lunch and then taken back to school afterwards. She is currently at 90 percentile but needs to be between 95 and 105 percentile before being considered as "WR".
She has been doing amazingly and today I received a phonecall from school saying that she had a "breakdown" and explained that she is anxious about her new food plan that was introduced at FBT yesterday (I was unable to attend so she attended with my husband) she wants people to stop telling her what to do and to be left alone to do it.
She is anxious about the amount of weight that she has been told that she needs to gain over the next two weeks (1000g) as our Phsychologist is away next week so don't have any FBT until the following week. She keeps saying that she is fat etc. She turned to me in the car on the way to school this morning and said "Mam please make ED go away" :(

My D is currently on 25mg Setraline but I am wondering if it is worth getting the dose upped as her routine has changed with being back in school, me being back at work and coming out of a "comfort zone".

Regards

Kezza1401

ABC

ABC

Admin
143 posts

Posted 3 months ago

Hi Kezza, Don't be down hearted, you, your D and your family have done an amazing job, recovery is not a straight forward thing, it is easier on some days than others, but keep focused if things go a bit pear shaped one day, just start he next day afresh don't carry it over and keep that focus and belief in recovery clearly in your sights. I remember one dark night I was driving my child the 50 miles back to the unit after a weekend at home, she too turned to me and said when will this change, in the darkness of that night neither she nor I could see the answer, but we both kept believing in it and working towards it. Recovery cannot be rushed, but here now 4 years after that winter drive back to the unit we can are both in that in imaginable future where the ED is no longer king. My daughter has her life back, it is not a life as before, it is changed by the ED but it is her life and she is well and eats happily again.
Another thing that I think I may have mentioned before in another post is that the body recovers and weight restores but it takes time for the mind to catch up and accept the weight gain.
best wishes

kezza1401

kezza1401

Member
6 posts

Posted 6 months ago

This is my first ever community post so please bear with me :)
I have just recently found out that my daughter has an eating disorder which has stemmed from what I believe to be a traumatic experience that happened to her when she was younger and she only disclosed this to us in May this year (this is ongoing with the police).

We have been seeing a Counsellor with CAMHS for a few weeks (although this is only fortnightly at the moment and I have asked for weekly sessions for my daughter and I have been told they cannot do that) and my daughter has lost 2.5stone since July (she is 5ft7ins and at her last weigh in last week she weighed 8st).
We had our first session of Family Based Therapy (FBT) last Friday (the dietician was sick so did not attend) which I thought was more an introductory session and was not sent away with any plan of action. They did mention that if things didn't improved then she could well be admitted as an "inpatient" on a unit which is approximately 2.5hrs away from our home town. I queried if there was any support groups for me and my husband to try and help us to understand this and they couldn't answer me.
Last night my daughter told me that she is turning "vegetarian" and not eating any meat (she is still in denial that she is an unhealthy weight and says there is nothing wrong with her)

I am looking for ANY advice that a parent who has been or is going through this as I am not sure what I should ask and which direction to go in.

Thanks in advance

ABC

ABC

Admin
143 posts

Posted 6 months ago

Hi Kezza,
Welcome to this online community, I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's illness and what you and your family have been going through.
I am the administrator for this site, but I am also the mother of a daughter who has anorexia, who is in recovery and is now doing well. It sounds as if you have done well in supporting your daughter and recognising the need for nhs support and working with camhs.
It is always difficult to give specific advice however I suppose generally I would say try to listen to what she saying, help her to feel safe but at the same time try to be clear on your expectations, but make those expectation reasonable. I made loads of mistakes with my daughter I am sure mainly because I was such a push over and she knew exactly the right buttons to press to persuade me to push the mealtime back a bit to allow her to do that bit more exercise or maybe just have a slightly smaller portion. There were good days and there were bad days but when things didn't work, I just started again the next day.
We seemed to spend ages in supermarkets, as she read the labels of everything, and then put it back it was as if she didn't want to eat but at the same time she was fascinated by food, she liked to feed everyone else but then would not join us at the dinner table. The rest of my wider family thought that I was a complete pushover as we did not attend family events because she couldn't bear the thought of the food, and I was worried for her safety if I left her at home alone.
I feel that I am rambling a bit I think that I am trying to give you a picture of what my experience was so that if anything similar happens you recognise it. How would I deal with it now? probably not very differently that is because I had to be there for her she had to know that although she was in this very scary place she knew that I was there. I cried a lot, but tried to be consistent with her and tried not to cry in front of her.
My daughter had more or less 2 years of inpatient care and that is what turned her around, it again is not easy for anyone, but her final unit was supportive and enabling, I really don't think that she would have still been here otherwise
All three of my children are now Vegan, they are very healthy, I am vegetarian, it is a change and I recognise that but it needs more planning - my children use protein powders and replacement to ensure that they have the necessary nourishment - so maybe let her be vegetarian, plan menus with her, encourage her to recognise the nourishment that she needs.
I hope that there is something in here that is useful to you,
I wish you the very best

kezza1401

kezza1401

Member
6 posts

Posted 5 months ago

Thanks for your response.
My D went to her appointment with CAMHS where she was advised that she had to stay home from school (which we thought was a shame cos she is predicted such high grades). We are four weeks into re-feeding and in week 1 my D gained 300g (a small gain but such a BIG accomplishment for us considering it was taking 1-2hrs to get her to eat 2 weetabix) and this gave us the confidence to keep going (we were told at that session that if our D had lost more weight then a referral would have been made for her to be admitted).
The following week she went to her session and she had gained 1.3kg and her meal plan was changed accordingly and this week our D had a maintain. We have a nurse that weighs our D every week whose Daughter had Anorexia and she has been AMAZING.
Our D’s aim was to get back to school so of course this was a carrot to dangle in front of her and this week she was allowed to go back to school for 3hrs but only two days.
It swells my heart with pride when my D gives me a cuddle and says “mam YTB (you’re the best)” but then she also has the moments where the bully “ED” takes control of her at mealtimes and we have learnt to be patient and encourage her and also TRY to convince her that she is not fat 
We have a weekly moto that me and my D come up with and so far these have been:
a) EAT IT TO BEAT IT
b) DRINK IT TO SHRINK IT – My D stopped drinking to replace the fact that she was eating
c) YOUR THOUGHTS ARE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS
The thing I am struggling with is “trusting” my daughter to eat wghen she is out with her friends so what we have agreed (with her permission) is that she has to plan her lifer around mealtimes at the moment (everything is “at the moment” as one thing I have found is that you have to take each mealtime as it comes. Thanks for reading 
PS - KEEP UP THE FABULOUS WORK YOU PARENTS ARE DOING

ABC

ABC

Admin
143 posts

Posted 5 months ago

Oh HOW BRILLIANT, well done it makes me feel very happy to read your story. I found it difficult to trust my daughter and in the early days it was with good reason, but I still trusted her and actually she would tell me if she had messed up. Your daughter has been so responsive and so keen to recover that I don't think that she will want to let you down. I love your sayings and keep up the good , kind and sensitive support x

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