walsking on eggshells


ABC

ABC

Admin
103 posts

Posted 4 months ago

This has been such a true statement for me as I have supported my adult child through their eating disorder over the last 6 years. It has been very difficult at times. At times I felt as if the rest of the world was going on around me, and I was standing watching through an invisible wall, watching a world full of colour and joy from my sad black and white world. I was jealous of others in the supermarket shopping for a family meal, of the happiness on their faces. I wondered if we would ever get back to anything that resembled family life. I felt that I had to put my feelings on hold. I often felt as if I was walking on eggshells, afraid to say what I wanted to say in case the reaction was too damaging. I had to put the needs of my ill child before the needs of their siblings; trying to cajole them to keep a calm household and then managing the damage limitation when they decided to say what they think. I became expert at supressing my own feelings until lying awake at night the tears would come.
I am happy to say that although we will never be as we were but we are in a different and just as good and knowing place and at last the family dynamic is much better, the sibling relations have improved and my child who was so ill and fixated is a lovely young woman again, she is not fully recovered but she is so, so, so much better. There are times now when I can even forget about it all, something that I never imagined in the darkest days.
I am making this post to give you hope and strength to get through the challenges of the day. I would also like to say don't neglect yourself and your own feelings in all of this, as you are likely to be crucial in supporting recovery, it may not always seem like it, you will often feel disappointed about situations and response, don't hang onto those, keep a mind of the positives that happen. With your support, understanding and encouragement over time there will be more positives than negatives.

Izzy

Izzy

Member
1 post

Posted 2 months ago

I just read your reflections and I have to say " thank you so much" . It just makes me feel better and less hopeless. I think I will read it every morning to help me through this recovery path. I hope I will be able to say the same things about my son one day. I just don't know if I will have the energy to hang on for God knows how long. How could you do it for 6 years? Amazing!

ABC

ABC

Admin
103 posts

Posted one month ago

Oh thank you Izzy, I do hope that things go well for you and your son. About a month into the illness someone told me that it took her 3 years to recover, I thought NO WAY we are getting this sorted by Christmas. The 6 years have not all been as sad and dramatic as the darkest days, but those days do leave a shadow. I think she got through it because none of us would give up on her. I couldn't have looked after as well during the most troubled times; she spent the majority of the first 2 years in 2 different ED units; they broke the back of the obsessive nature of the illness - I was so rubbish in the early days, she knew which buttons to press she knew how to get what she wanted and how to destroy me, so although I think it was tough for her to be away and she did learn other Anorexia behaviours and she hated the competition amongst the patients to be the thinnest to cheat the nurse etc. but in the end she decided that she wanted recovery.
The hardest days were when she left the unit and was thrown to the shoddy patchy opinionated ill informed and generally rubbish out patient care. She was trying to co operate in her own way but the lack of specific ED knowledge of the illness of the care professionals meant that they did not know how to really support and enable her. In the end she gave up on them. She started working again almost as soon as she came out of the unit she was desperate to get back into the real word to have money to feel that she has a place. Her memory of her inpatient stay and a few years afterwards is patchy, but her memory is much better now she has also developed depression. I am telling you this because I want you to see that it is an upward spiral, its not a straight forward trajectory, some days it is 2 steps forward and one back, some days have just had to be given up on and the next day brings a fresh start. She had colour reflexology at the beginning of Summer and that has begun a process of self acceptance, its been wonderful. She has now resumed her education in something she believes in and is living away from home, Last week I dropped her back at uni she had her rucksack stuffed full , with her necklaces and useful things hanging off of it, she had a cool bag full of freezer food, and a few other bags, I felt so full of love for her and the battles that she has fought, and I recognised the daughter that I worried I would never see again, she seems happy, she seems to be looking after herself, if I had won the lottery I would not feel as good about things as I feel about her recovery, I realise that anorexia is a coping strategy; wherever you can try to get him to talk, reflect, discuss what is generating his fears and anxieties and listen. Look after yourself and you will be able to look after your son and you will be able to tell of his recovery. And when you feel like it let me know how you are doing.

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