The revolving door


Whitfield68

Whitfield68

Member
3 posts

Posted 8 months ago

My daughter has just turned 18 and is now in the care of Adult Services after two and a half years of CAMHS, the transition between the two was swift and, to put it bluntly, merciless. She received wonderful support from the local team only to be left with a miserable one hour per week, not counting the numerous cancellations we have received.
My husband and I are very frustrated with being largely unable to share in this experience, and whilst we appreciate she is now an adult, she views this as a green light to further restrict herself knowing that any medical intervention really is a last resort. Frankly, nothing scares her enough anymore to make any changes.
She is on the threshold of University and we are frightened to let her go, our only hope is that she does go and with her new found independence she will view life as being precious and something to be enjoyed, rather than the endless cycle of misery she inhabits.
Like all of you, we feel helpless and love our daughter enormously, but it is good to hear and share with other parents and carers so we don't feel so alone
Thank you

fingers crossed

fingers crossed

Member
28 posts

Posted 8 months ago

Hi there,
I have heard before that the transfer at 18 can be swift and brutal and in my experience out patient mental health care is patchy at best. This is where you have to be her advocate, if she doesn't receive the care that she deserves. I have complained twice to Pals, they have taken my complaints seriously and investigated them, I have been impressed. I know that appointments are precious, waited for and looked forward to by parents and carers alike having a cancelation must be horrible. Looking after my daughter has made me angry, but I cannot take that out on her and so I do find some comfort in targeting my anger at a service that is letting her down. I also have my local MP following her case.
You say that nothing scares your daughter, and please believe me I am no expert, but the truth is that everything scares her, her fears will be at the originators of her eating disorder. Try to read as much as you can about the illness but remember that each eating disorder is slightly different, try to avoid battles and try to talk about her feelings away from food.
Finally you say that you are worried about Uni. funnily enough my daughter is also planning uni again for September, her third go. She has started twice and both times been in an eating disorder unit by Christmas (4 years ago now), she is not recovered physically but she is in a better space, and she does talk to me she has forsaken all of the outpatient care because it is useless, she is very thin. I will be worrying everyday but I will support her to go because she really believes in what she is applying for. Eating disorders at unis are plenty only let your daughter go if you are sure, and if she does go then the nearer the uni to you the better, if she is in the early days then I would counsel against it, but please be guided by yourself and your gut feelings. Hope that makes sense best of luck and be kind to yourslef

ABC

ABC

Admin
93 posts

Posted 2 months ago

Hi Fingers crossed, I am just looking over the posts and I wonder how your daughter is doing has she gone to uni ? How are you doing?

fingers crossed

fingers crossed

Member
28 posts

Posted one month ago

Hi ,
yes despite a very difficult summer where everything seemed to be trying to stop her, not physical things - just one test after another and a big test from student loans. she has made it and she is enjoying it and she is looking after herself, long may it last, thank you for asking. She is still on anti depressants and seeking a further psychiatric to try to understand her low moods, so I hope that she is facing her challenges and taking control.

Whitfield68

Whitfield68

Member
3 posts

Posted 2 months ago

Hi there,
Many many thanks for asking, it is much appreciated
Our daughter finally agreed to admission to hospital in May, things have been very tough for us all. She has made BRILLIANT progress there and fought her demons admirably. She is still a long way off recovery but in herself is our lovely girl again. She is self discharging next week, mainly due to the fact that she wants to join the human race again
We undertook courses with the hospital and found them extremely helpful in understanding this evil disease and are still learning daily. She is much more open to talk with us and helps us understand things better
The NHS saved her life and for that we will be eternally grateful. It also helps that we know we are not alone and we would like to offer support and guidance to anyone else who is suffering alongside their loved one
We hope and pray she can manage in the community and we don't ever have to go back down this road with her. If we have to, then so be it. We will deal with it as and when.
Our thoughts and wishes go out to everyone else dealing with this

ABC

ABC

Admin
93 posts

Posted one month ago

Thank you for your reply and how good it is to read of your daughters recovery to date, I love the fact that you have your lovely daughter back again, I recognise that it is such a relief. It does sound as if she and you have had very good support. Coming out of a unit is the next step and it is one that is best taken cautiously, I hope that you have as good out patient care in order to support her in the transition. It is great that your communication with your daughter has also been restored, it is key and it is important to keep talking to her and supporting her. Some out patient units have support to support financial and career issues the quality of this varies but it is worth finding out about. I also wonder if it is worth suggesting the ABC befriending. Befrienders are volunteers who have recovered from an Eating Disorder, they have been trained by ABC and they will support someone as they recover by a phone call once a week. If you are interested in this please email befriending@anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk Have a lovely time with your daughter back home, Please do let us know how you get on,
very best wishes

Whitfield68

Whitfield68

Member
3 posts

Posted 8 months ago

Dear Fingers crossed,
Many many thanks for your email-we take so much comfort in knowing that we are not alone in this, and are grateful for your support and advice. As always, we will do whatever is humanly possible to support our daughter in the hope that one day she may find her place in this world. We would also like to wish you all the very best for the future. Please keep in touch when you can

ABC

ABC

Admin
93 posts

Posted 2 months ago

Hi Whitefield,
I am looking over the posts and I was wondering how you and your daughter are doing?

ABC

ABC

Admin
93 posts

Posted 9 months ago

It is so difficult when you child is an adult, especially as your child has children of her own. And as you say you cannot make her do anything. You mention that she had anorexia in her teens, I wonder how did you support her recovery at that time? I also wonder who else is there who can help you and your family? The support services are at full stretch and in making calls on my own daughter's behalf I have been chastised with "we are very busy you know" as if I am a nuisance, to me it is not good enough. The important thing is that you care, she has you to support her. Please read some of the items posted on the home page of this community as they offer some recent thoughts on the physical and emotional effects of anorexia on the body to inform you. Have you talked to your daughter's family, her friends and her wider circle of colleagues to see if they have noticed anything or if there is anything that she seems concerned about. I find that the theory is always much easier that the practical and so it would be not be an easy conversation however I feel that anorexia thrives on secrets and you need to find a way in. I choose the times to talk to my daughter and if I get it right she is able to express her anxieties. I have used the phrase treading on egg shells because that is what it feels like to me but I do also think that it is imperative to find a way to talk to her, to show her that you are there for her and supporting her. I remember going to an ABC launch 2 years ago where a mum who had anorexia for 20 years was talking about her recovery, she had a family herself, but was dominated by her anorexia and her anorexic drive, to simplify a very impressive and encouraging speech her recovery began when someone listened to her without judgement, direction of comment, they listened to her. Hope that helps a bit

Daddy Bear

Daddy Bear

Member
1 post

Posted 9 months ago

My daughter began suffering in her late teens, then as the years went by she seemed to have grown out of it, and now for the past couple of years its back, but back far greater than the first time. I don't know what to do she is now 46, married with an 22 yr old daughter and a 1 yr old grandson. I have tried the gentle approach, I tried the cross approach, I even tried the backing off approach. Mealtimes when they occur are nothing but hell. First its the I have already eaten excuse, then the tears, then the defiance sets in then comes the final stage out right anger.. it will be directed at me or her husband depends who is saying come on its dinner time. Revolving door is a very good title.

Recently she caught sepsis, 7 days in hospital on the 6th day they got angry and said fine then we will tube you or put a drip up.. knowing they can't do it without a court order I thought this will be hell.. anyway they gave in and she didn't eat.. they sent letters to the mental health team her appointment came and went, she didn't go.. another letter they sent asking why she didn't attend went in the bin. Now I am up thinking when will this door stay shut, what can I do she's an adult? We all love her dearly we really do.. so afraid for her.

ABC

ABC

Admin
93 posts

Posted 2 months ago

Hi Daddy Bear,
I think that I might have just messaged you re another post, but I was just wanting to follow up this post, how is she doing? how are you doing?

fingers crossed

fingers crossed

Member
28 posts

Posted 10 months ago

I have heard this described as a term for treatment, that is to say that the health services expect to see their patients return again and again. My daughter is now in year 5/6 of anorexia, she has had horrible and frightening times and she has had brilliant good times, we thought that it was all behind us but this year there has been a gradual decline. It feels different this time, it feels hard to hope it's difficult to know what to say that will be new different, that will make it right. Has anyone else been in this situation ?

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